Loving Laura

So this might be a little late, as I did tell a certain awesome someone *ahem*Justine*ehem* that I would write last night. But one thing lead to another and BAM it was 9:20, and Laura was out for the night and ready for bed, and really....so was I! The one thing that I think ALL Moms can relate to is exhaustion! I am just so tired and lazy its unbelievable. I mean things get done, don't get me wrong, my house is always/usually tidy. But its like pulling teeth. At least my reason for procrastination is pretty legitimate, I was snuggling my little baby. Who by the way is breaching on not being a little baby anymore. She can stand in an excersaucer for gods sake. Agh! How can that be, that my little cuddly bean is now a squiggling piglet  !
So Yesterday was fun, we went to Walmart and bought a ton of stuff again. One of said stuff being a wicked jolly jumper. With Zebras on it, I'll have pictures soon. Laura's awake now so I gotta run, Ill try and write again later.

How Laura came to be.....
First we should start with the decision to have her. Unlike many pregnancies that occur in
peoples early 20's, this one was intentional. And not just a pleasant surprise. Now Im not sure how much information Id like to disclose, Im sure over time I will become more comfortable and choose to fill in some of the blanks that will be left in this story. But for the mean time , I will tell it as best as possible. Trevor and I had been together for 6 years of on again off again intence magnetism. No matter what we did we always seemed to end up together. He was my first real boyfriend and even the first boy Id ever kissed. I knew that one day we would get married and have babies. Who in the world wouldve guessed that 15 year old me was right?!
So after some on again off again dating, Trev and I moved in together in my parents basement, where we toughed out being adults living under my parents. Who I love, dont get me wrong, but when you get to a
certain age you just cant live under someone elses rules. Im sure you know what I mean! So after a year in the dungeon like basement (and I only say that because its an unfinished basement in a 100 year old home....so yeah kinda dungeon like) we decided to spread our wings and get our first ever apartment. It was the most exciting thing we had experienced up to that point. And man the freedom was nice. The bills....not so much. But we managed somehow, and our love grew. Branching off a little bit, the women on my mothers side are terribly unfertille.Of my Moms 6 sisters only 2 were able to naturally have children, a third was able but only after 3 inseminations! My Aunts all have some condition, that causes scaring in the fallopian tubes, blocking eggs from being ever released. When I was 17, I had abnormal cramping and was sent to a specialist, who told me I would not be able to have children as I too had blocked tubes. How tragic. Young me, looking forward to the house and family I would one day have, only to be told that my house would remain empty, desolate, free of childrens laughter, etc etc Im sure you get the point. So I put on my brave face and went on with life. Trevor and I got a bigger better apartment and continued moving up in life. Then, last Christmas, tragedy struck my family with the death of my Grandmother. My Mother took it hardest as she had already lost her father to cancer several years prior. In that moment I realized that my Mom would never have any grandchildren, as my sister is autisic and unable to have children. I had not yet told my Mom what the Doctors had told me.I felt crushed. Terrified that I would have to bring my Mother down further into a feeling of
hopless despair. So I decided not to tell her. To wait. Maybe in 5 years she wouldnt take it quite so hard
maybe she would accept that I was like her sisters and would have to simply adopt. At this point Trevor
and I had abandoned birth control. If I cant get pregnant, why would I pay to prevent it??
Well, if you havent been able to tell already, this is a happy story full of hope. Hope to any woman who has ever been told she cant have babies. Dont give up! So back to the story, we were told we couldnt have babies, but we tried anyway. And low and behold, just a few short months after my Gramma passed be concieved Laura. She truely is amazing and I am so thankful for her every day. I could honestly hold her in my arms forever!  Even if that means Im critisized by everyone for never putting her down! As Mothers we often
disagree with what other parents deem 'right', and thats ok, but in the end, I know best!

Next, Laura's journey here, aka, my pregnancy, and then following that I think I will share her
birth story. Thanks for reading!

xoxo

So for quite a while now I have wanted to start a blog, for exactly how long, I cant quite remember, but what I do remember is that there was always an excuse not to. It seems that there is always an excuse standing in the way of the things I want to do. Well no more! As of tonight my internal monologue is now external. And very publicaly online! ......But what to say. How do I properly establish the tone of this here blog. Do I treat it like a diary, and ignore the fact that people read it (at least Justine I hope!) ? Or do I try and better the world with my vast knowledge of things? Maybe it will be a combination of the two. Sometimes I will post things to make you laugh, and other times I may just have you in tears. The only thing I can promise is to be honest. Sometimes brutally so, I may even offend you or state opinions that clash with your own strong views. Feel free to leave comments to my posts and let me know exactly how you feel, good or bad.
I recently became a Mom. Its wonderful. Mainly. When shes not screaming at me at 3 am that is. But most days she is my beautiful sweet little angel, and I have a feeling that although I have every intention to expand to a wide array of subjects over the course of time, that my strong focus will be on my experience as a Mom. I may even have words of advice from time to time. But please, let me spare you the time and trouble. I am not an expert. Nor do I claim to be so. So please dont write me and say that what I said didnt work or wasnt helpful to you. What do you want me to do....apologize? So like I said, I can share with you my sucess stories, and hopefully they will help you, but they are in no way fool proof ways to parenting.
Wow, that was a mouthful. I have alot to say. I just never know how to go about saying it. Like in what order. Should I start at the beggining? Do a life story of myself, leading up to this moment in time. Or maybe just start at Laura's begining with her birth story. Maybe Ill leave that up to you. Leave me some feed back (if anyone is reading this, this early on) and Ill try and include your comments in my next post.
For now Ill leave it at that. But dont worry , this wont be the last you hear from me.