Loving Laura

After reading "an unexpected friend" I knew that I needed to post, ASAP! Preoblem one being that i was still holding Laura, who had fallen asleep in my arms. I know the days where I hold her all day are coming to an end, so i milk it when I can (aka when Trevors not here to bitch that I hold her too much and that shes going to get clingy) and today I could, but I wanted to write you. Im not sure if anyone reads this but you, but if they do, they can know how much I love you too!
So I set Laura down in her crib a little too hastily and now I can hear her babbling to herself. My time is limited, so Ill get on with it.
1st things 1st. You thought I was cooler then you? I dont think anyones ever said that to me before. I was never cool. Never. Not once did I ever belong to the in crowd, the main stream went one way and I always seemed to go the other direction.
I never moved as a kid, I kinda wish I had. Its like one day everyone made up their minds to hate me, to bully me and to push me into the mud. So I closed off. Completly shut down. I had friends growing up, one or two , but mainly my teachers, I loved school you see. I was very good at it, until grade 11, when i met him. and that all started to shift. I grew up in a household with no alcohol. Transitioning into his lifestyle was maybe too much for me. I kind of became his shadow, lost who i was and became just another part of him. His house, his family his friends, everything we did was his. I gave up seeing all my friends and became consumed by him. Like a drug, he was all i wanted.
We split up for 8 months or so, and when we did, after I got over the initial hurt, I started to become me again. I dressed up Amanda style (to those of you who dont know me, Id say Gagaish, but before gaga was gaga :D) but most of all, i started to paint again. i started to do photography again. I started to see people and do things and not just wait on his beck and call.  I still saw his best friend Corey, who went to my new high school. I was too embarrassed to go back to my old school, so i thought a new school new start might help. But same old me, same old habits.

But then I got weak. I decided to take a friend out to Hamilton and see him at work. Maybe the biggest mistake of my life. I think we could've gone our separate ways, had I just not gone to see him that night.  Needless to say we got back together.

I saw more and more of Corey and his new girlfriend. I remember at one of Trevs birthday parties, her being pregnant and wanting to leave the smoke and alcohol filled house, and me being a totall bitch, not understanding. I dont think I even fully understood until i was pregnant, how much being pregnant makes you hate alcohol. I cant imagine how terrible that party was for her. I wish I had known then, what i know now, I wouldve had her back. Instead I was to busy trying to sleep with Trev, instead of him sleeping with ashley *skank*ehem* I remember him waking up in the morning and not remembering who i was. I wont ever forget that hurt. Although, I probably will, when new hurts are piled up on top of that.

We went to movies together and played board games. But your right, I never really let you in. Up until that point I had been forced to hang out with all of Coreys gf's, as we were a foursome . I hated all of them. Girl after girl after girl, was nothing like me. Annoying, needy...frizzy lol. I eventually stopped making an effort. Why bother, when he was showing signs of having a new girl every week. Even once you came along. You were so quiet, shy and introverted, I didnt know how to talk to you. Shy people make me nervous as Im loud as hell!  And then shortly into your relationship Im hearing that your breaking up (around italy time? not sure when that fits in) from Trevor maybe, or perhaps just through the highschool rumour mill. And then next thing I hear is your pregnant. And so young. I didnt have sex for the first time until i was 17, in fact my first kiss was that year with Trevor as well. I didnt understand how or why it happened. Corey said you did it on purpose to keep him around. Now I know you wouldve liked quite the opposite.

Then, some time goes by, youve moved away, taking Corey with you, and trev is crushed. I mean devastated. His best friend of a liife time is gone. And you never wanted to come down. I always thought it was because you hated us, I didnt know at the time about the whole peggy fiasco. Trev was getting more and more upset, the longer time went on, so i promised for his sake , that i would try to be friends with you, so we could see yous more. Little did I know I was about to befriend one of the best people Ive ever met. And despite our age difference, we sure had a surprising amount in common. Even more so once I got pregnant with Laura. But we had only just scratched the surface. Once our lines of communication opened up I was astounded by how much we had in common. The cheating, the video games, the outcast feeelings and a 1001 other things on that list. It got to the point where I was so excited to talk to you that Trev actually asked me if we were having an affair. Maybe he was joking, but there was defintily a hint of seriousness to his voice.
I could only be so lucky. She is the most beautiful person inside and out. When i think of the series of unfortunate events that lead us together it makes me laugh. Tradgedy after tragedy, mistake after mistake- yet somehow we came out ok.
And now, at the end of it all, we have each other. Sappy? Yes I know. But something in me just feels all warm and fuzzy every time I think of her.